holidays are giving me too much time for thinking

A little... I already miss working and beeing around the S..- staff. Think I am not a workaholic just a little lonley. Want to transfer myself 800 km`s more north for a couple hours too check out what the hell is going on in my head. Here in Italy there are two men offering me the world, but sorry guys I am not in love with you, so keep you money, your nice cars, your horses. Do not want it. Have my horse in my heart, have my own cats, my own car, small but paid and... you cannot buy me - the currency of my price is love not money.

Yesterday I had a nice day with my best female friend. We went to a lake and we´re talking a lot. But she is 15 years younger than me, I am missing a good conversation with somebody my age, and for some reasons with the italian men it is not possible, they are either talking only all the psyco romantic stuff I already heard millions of time in all languages or they talk abouth things in a way that I am getting bored very fast. 

Cannot wait till my German Student is coming back from vacation. When he is trying to read Goethe at
least he is able to keep my interest for a while.

I am not dating anymore. Turned out to be a waste of time.

The first day of my vacation I was already seeing my Ex twice. Two times too much. What an error to
stay with somebody whos biggest fun is to watch TV or movies.

I do not remember when I watched the last time TV. For me there are lots of other things more important, like a nice conversation, a romantic moment, a glass of wine with the right person (haven´t  had a good glass of wine since a long while).


Also freedom can become boring,

Holidays + Scorpions

Tomorrow will be my first vacation day. I am ready to hit towards my lake and hopefully windsurf a little. The only bad thing: holidays without "him".  With all the cats, horses, friends I am still missing "him". There are some him`s around, but the italian him`s are too much like all those things, people expect when I am telling them I am a scorpio. They are all like HUH .... you are jealous. People, with 18 I was the absolute Scorpio you are expecting. I am not very jealous anymore, maybe I am not a Scorpio anymore? If you want to cheat go ahead - I will go away and that`s it. no more dramas in my life had enough. Back to the point. The Italians are all Scorpions. I think all Italy was born in November and I cannot stand it. (strange this argument is coming from a Scorpio-Lady). Even I do not believe too much in those things it makes me laugh to imagine all Italians were born in November. Looking forward to my surfing and trying not to get in trouble too many times.
Miss you whereever and whoever you are. If you can keep my interest thats all I want. I will need some freedom for me as I will leave some freedom for you. But If you hurt me I will have to kill you ;-)

I am ready - for nothing

I am ready... you only have to say the 2 or 3 words.
I am afraid... you are way to close to me already. Means you have the possibility to hurt me.
I am carefull... don`t want to stress you or me. 
I am nervous... how could this happen.
I am unsure... can and should I change my life again.
I am tired... want to have a place called home. If this place is inside your arms that would be great.
I am upset... some new goodbyes.
I am impatient... how long till there will be a "we".
I am positive... about my feelings
I am excited... that I finally might have experienced some deep emotions.
I am convinced... that I will not get bored with you.


you might not be ready... you haven´t said the 2 or 3 words
you might not be afraid... maybe cause I am not close to you.
you are carefull... I realized you have secrets. 
you aren`t nervous... does this means you don`t give a shit?
you aren`t unsure... would love to see a little weakness ones.
you aren`t tired... could it be you already have what I am searching. 
you aren`t upset... are you happy the way things are or are you just a good actor?
you aren`t impatient... looks like you have all the time of the world, seams you are missing nothing.
you are positiv... always about the other things 
you aren`t excited... at least not with me. 
you aren´t convinced... no need to be convinced there will be no "we".

This is the momentary situation, and beside I am happy to feel something for someone it doesn`t look to positiv. Maybe I should lock my heart and throw the key inside the Po-River and hopefully nobody will find it again. 

By the way, what did you do in my dream last night ?