So long I was not writting. Was so busy to fight for my place in life. Yes I left my Ex after that long time and moving to Italy for him. Not because I didn`t love him anymore, no I left for the way how the living together (basicly there was none) and the missing of attention. So goodbye.
Had to decide if I want to stay all alone in Italy or move back to Germany.
Than Blacky the shy black cat I was always taking care of died. Had to put him to sleep through the vet, because he had a disease (Felv or Fip - not the cataids, the other one) that would have killed him inbetween the next two weeks. His fever was already so high. I was destroyed, now that he started to live together with Gismo, Pirata and me I had to say goodbye. I was so sad and again nobody understood.
Now again I am missing somebody, but I cannot be there for "friends" and in the end nobody is there for me.
Well the earth keeps turning, "friends" disappear and new ones appear, and hopefully some of the goodones will remain FRIENDS.
SALVAMI
2011-08-10
How stupid
Sometimes I am really stupid. Instead of watching the falling stars with somebody tonight I took an invitation for a dinner my neighbors. There I can see once again how stupid I am sometimes and that is driving me crazy. But running away before things are getting to a point were it is starting to hurt has always been my easy way out. So "stupid" what are you going to do now. I don`t know.
In any way it is going to hurt - I know.
So am I preferring the short strong pain or the slow longlasting pain? In the end it always comes up to pain.
And do I really have a choice?
The straight street seems so fucking straight. Left and right no possibilities. Should I just stay here and wait. What am I waiting for? Signs? Trust? wait - stopp
who the fuck is talking about trust.
Okay - I will go forward - little step by step (if step 1 will not kill me - maybe step 2 the day or week after) How can a horse trust me while I cannot trust the world? Or does this horse knows something more than me...? And my cats? Also trusting me. Am I trusting myself? - is the question.
In any way it is going to hurt - I know.
So am I preferring the short strong pain or the slow longlasting pain? In the end it always comes up to pain.
And do I really have a choice?
The straight street seems so fucking straight. Left and right no possibilities. Should I just stay here and wait. What am I waiting for? Signs? Trust? wait - stopp
who the fuck is talking about trust.
Okay - I will go forward - little step by step (if step 1 will not kill me - maybe step 2 the day or week after) How can a horse trust me while I cannot trust the world? Or does this horse knows something more than me...? And my cats? Also trusting me. Am I trusting myself? - is the question.
2011-07-10
The butterfly
It`s been a long long time I was not writting. But to be honest it was a time
I was not sure where life is leading me to. And guess, I still don't know.
It`s me flying through the window at the end of the video.
What a voice, what lyrics. Fantastic.
Inspired by this video I am thinking about a second tattoo. - A butterfly - like a
symbol also for my life.
Also I need some new friends that are more into the same stuff I am into. Spending time with animals and horses. Would love to go on short trails with some friends on horses.
Would be so nice to live togehter with friends, cats, dogs and horses.
At least I have a dream.
The last months I tried to be somebody else so others like me. Guess what, didn`t work. I am just not the girl for shopping, shoes and talking behind other peoples back.
Guess I go back to normal.
I was not sure where life is leading me to. And guess, I still don't know.
It`s me flying through the window at the end of the video.
What a voice, what lyrics. Fantastic.
Inspired by this video I am thinking about a second tattoo. - A butterfly - like a
symbol also for my life.
Also I need some new friends that are more into the same stuff I am into. Spending time with animals and horses. Would love to go on short trails with some friends on horses.
Would be so nice to live togehter with friends, cats, dogs and horses.
At least I have a dream.
The last months I tried to be somebody else so others like me. Guess what, didn`t work. I am just not the girl for shopping, shoes and talking behind other peoples back.
Guess I go back to normal.
2011-04-18
I am feeling like a black cat or a brown horse
Blacky is a cat that I got to know in Italy. Young, wild and nobody was able to touch him.
No wonder. Nobody wants him, everybody kicks or hit him. He is beautifull, black like a panther but so lost.
His owner used to live in the appartment above me. Before I moved here. He was crazy.
He killed his girlfriend and of course was arrested for that. The police was closing the appartment. Normal after a crime. Inside a cat with babies. Was not the fault of the policemen, they appartment was so full with trash and stuff, that they just couldn't find the cats and I guess they also didn't know about.
Thanks to my neighbors, with the name that explains their love for this animals, he was not dying. She was asking the police and got the permission to bring some food inside every day. But also she never saw them. Because of the terrible smell in that trashy place she opended a window. Two days later she saw Blacky the first time in the garden. A very young black cat. So shy, hurted, without trust and hope.
Than I arrived in the appartment below. First I was building a bridge for my cat to enter from the balcony to the garden and was putting his wooden house (doghouse ;-) )on the balcony, so my cat has a warm place to wait for me when I am not at home to let him in.
What a chance. It makes me smile to imagine how Blacky must have felt, when he first saw there is a warm house reachable for him, that leaves him all the freedom to escape when a human is arriving. And food also :-o
Everything could have turned out fine. But there are always some persons that don't like animals.
One day I found (Il Pirata) an italian cat in my wooden house on the balcony. He got hit be a car or something and good his mouth broken twice. Okay I paid the doctor and the surgery and I had three cats. Than one of my german cats died. Back to two and of course always Blacky, the balcony cat.
Since Blacky always has some running ease and a running nose, I worked to be able to touch him and give him antibiothica. Every day the trust is growing a little. Is wonderfull that I am able to take him in my arms - for a second only - or wash out his eyse, his nose. Two weeks ago he came with a open head, think somebody hit him with a piece of wood or something. He is not quiet enough to take him to a vet. So again I had to use my medicine on him. Every day I controlled him for fever and how the wound was curing. He was only sleeping and crying (with a very sad voice).
Since a couple days he feels better. The wound is closed and the hair is starting to grow again. Two days now he is also visiting my neigbors again. Also they are shocked about what people are able to do.
I can still touch him more and more. And the next step is get him neutred (yes the balls will have to go - he smells, and then he will be more homy ;-)
Okay whatever life will bring. He will become the new part of my little family.
(Me, my inside cat and two outside cats).
But there is annother problem animal. A very beautifull horse full of fear. Missunderstood by his owner. I cannot say it different. The owner wants to tell me to use more force. And one time I saw the fear in the horses eyse when he was not working right and got a punch on the head. Also you my dear I will protect - you are my next goal. Than I will also take you away with me to a new paradise with three cats and me. Have to be carefull on that project.
The car is paid - 300 paid an annother 3000 left I can pay with 100 Euros every month easily.
Next step a solution for the prettiest brown nose with the brown feary eyse (4000 Euro I think I will have to offer). Wonder if I will succeed to also transfer this animal into my paradies.
A place for me and my creatures I also have to find. WOW - sounds like a busy year.
Over all of this - not beeing sure where life is taking me. But overall not without my family.
I have to remember that once I was in a situation like this before and made it. I need a second job.
No wonder. Nobody wants him, everybody kicks or hit him. He is beautifull, black like a panther but so lost.
His owner used to live in the appartment above me. Before I moved here. He was crazy.
He killed his girlfriend and of course was arrested for that. The police was closing the appartment. Normal after a crime. Inside a cat with babies. Was not the fault of the policemen, they appartment was so full with trash and stuff, that they just couldn't find the cats and I guess they also didn't know about.
Thanks to my neighbors, with the name that explains their love for this animals, he was not dying. She was asking the police and got the permission to bring some food inside every day. But also she never saw them. Because of the terrible smell in that trashy place she opended a window. Two days later she saw Blacky the first time in the garden. A very young black cat. So shy, hurted, without trust and hope.
Than I arrived in the appartment below. First I was building a bridge for my cat to enter from the balcony to the garden and was putting his wooden house (doghouse ;-) )on the balcony, so my cat has a warm place to wait for me when I am not at home to let him in.
What a chance. It makes me smile to imagine how Blacky must have felt, when he first saw there is a warm house reachable for him, that leaves him all the freedom to escape when a human is arriving. And food also :-o
Everything could have turned out fine. But there are always some persons that don't like animals.
One day I found (Il Pirata) an italian cat in my wooden house on the balcony. He got hit be a car or something and good his mouth broken twice. Okay I paid the doctor and the surgery and I had three cats. Than one of my german cats died. Back to two and of course always Blacky, the balcony cat.
Since Blacky always has some running ease and a running nose, I worked to be able to touch him and give him antibiothica. Every day the trust is growing a little. Is wonderfull that I am able to take him in my arms - for a second only - or wash out his eyse, his nose. Two weeks ago he came with a open head, think somebody hit him with a piece of wood or something. He is not quiet enough to take him to a vet. So again I had to use my medicine on him. Every day I controlled him for fever and how the wound was curing. He was only sleeping and crying (with a very sad voice).
Since a couple days he feels better. The wound is closed and the hair is starting to grow again. Two days now he is also visiting my neigbors again. Also they are shocked about what people are able to do.
I can still touch him more and more. And the next step is get him neutred (yes the balls will have to go - he smells, and then he will be more homy ;-)
Okay whatever life will bring. He will become the new part of my little family.
(Me, my inside cat and two outside cats).
But there is annother problem animal. A very beautifull horse full of fear. Missunderstood by his owner. I cannot say it different. The owner wants to tell me to use more force. And one time I saw the fear in the horses eyse when he was not working right and got a punch on the head. Also you my dear I will protect - you are my next goal. Than I will also take you away with me to a new paradise with three cats and me. Have to be carefull on that project.
The car is paid - 300 paid an annother 3000 left I can pay with 100 Euros every month easily.
Next step a solution for the prettiest brown nose with the brown feary eyse (4000 Euro I think I will have to offer). Wonder if I will succeed to also transfer this animal into my paradies.
A place for me and my creatures I also have to find. WOW - sounds like a busy year.
Over all of this - not beeing sure where life is taking me. But overall not without my family.
I have to remember that once I was in a situation like this before and made it. I need a second job.
2011-01-24
Liar
You were not telling me the truth. Why I had to figure it out myself ?
After three years I was not even worth the truth.
Did you really think the world around you is stupid - also me.
You aren't worth the truth anymore.
Heartbroken, wounded but again not dead.
Why ? Why should I believe somebody again, who is coming and telling
he loves me ? It happens to many times before. - The result... always
the same.
Heartbroken, wounded but again not dead.
You made be believe one thing while in your head you had other plans.
You say you love me. You played with me. Fuck off.
Everybody knows I don't care about money - you care to much. So get your
comfortable life, find yourself somebody that is living only to please you.
Let me continue my way - that is not searching money - that is the true
love. And I hope if I will find it before my time comes I will not be to
hurted to not give it a chance.
A girl with two cats and almost a horse, with a lot of lost friends in the heart:
Susi, Coockie, Luna, Floh, my ex-neighbor Antonia - one day we'll be united :-)
After three years I was not even worth the truth.
Did you really think the world around you is stupid - also me.
You aren't worth the truth anymore.
Heartbroken, wounded but again not dead.
Why ? Why should I believe somebody again, who is coming and telling
he loves me ? It happens to many times before. - The result... always
the same.
Heartbroken, wounded but again not dead.
You made be believe one thing while in your head you had other plans.
You say you love me. You played with me. Fuck off.
Everybody knows I don't care about money - you care to much. So get your
comfortable life, find yourself somebody that is living only to please you.
Let me continue my way - that is not searching money - that is the true
love. And I hope if I will find it before my time comes I will not be to
hurted to not give it a chance.
A girl with two cats and almost a horse, with a lot of lost friends in the heart:
Susi, Coockie, Luna, Floh, my ex-neighbor Antonia - one day we'll be united :-)
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