Up and down - rollercoaster

This week (and it is only Wednesday) was already covering all the band width of emotions, like a rollercoaster.

Hate:
My obsessive parents just won't understand why I am staying in Italy in this period of my life. Lately skyping becomes a horror for me. My mother always with a not very well hidden triumph: So, then you have to come back to Germany :-) here the market is good, you have work waiting and so on...
But what else is waiting for me in Germany?
Is life really all about money and nothing else? Seems to be like it.
Without money no fun, no DJ (horse), no vet for the cats, no......
Just a thought: Me again in Germany, with my old work waiting for me.
Money = no problem, Cats = more or less no problem, DJ = no DJ, Love = no love (sorry never used to get along with the German men - if I want to live with a fridge a buy a fridge and not a boyfriend).
Parents = happy
Me = unhappy.

Confusion:
maybe going somewhere else - again? (this is caused by the hate points of the problematic Italian situation and the not wanted German situation)
Where ?
Cats = Problem (no visa for the States for the cats).
Work = more or less a problem, but less than in Italy for sure.
Love = confused.
Parents = unhappy.
Me = unhappy
Changes = in a way wanted.

Love:
and again I have to admit that only the love of an animal is honest and lasting.
On the rest better not count on.

Happiness:
those moments with my cats and the little successes with the horsetraining were making me happy this week, but is that all life is holding for me?

In case is like this:
So the goal would be:
Wow cannot write that, is even to scary for me. Is the way I never wanted to
go in my life again (working, working, working (in Germany) with my animals alone all the time to make money fast to buy a home (for me and my animals) and a horse I will not have the time to ride...
Than there will come an asshole... after a while I will leave him and leave the home to him .... and again and again.

STOP.

Don't count on love (unless is the love of an animal) but also don't count on money.
Finding annother solution. Thinking until headaches arrive. No solution.

The period of annother 2-3 months I was giving myself for Italy is running, like my thoughts.